This site functions as an archive of Conner's Blog, which was a blog from 2006-2014 located at Images and links are likely to be broken.

Traffic Commentary

Steve Steeple: Welcome to the traffic report. Todays report is brought to you by Straight Ahead! "Tires that only turn when you want them to"

Tina Greggs: Hi Steve, well where are we broadcasting from today.

SS: Well Tina, well we have some great gridlock just past the I92 and highway 36 interchange. We have traffic backed up for about 6 miles and boy do we have a good game going today.

TG: Great, anything happening right now.

SS: Of course, we actually currently have a cute little blond in a Camry that is seconds from causing a wreck.

TG: Is she on her cell phone?

SS: Yeah, but she seems to be handling talking and driving in this five mile per hour traffic, but the guys that are passing her just are not paying attention. Oh! Wow, we just had a civic full of teenage boys that was inches from rear ending the car in front of them. Too busy gawking and no one was paying attention, lucky for them they didn't hit that car, that definitely would not have helped them from being caught staring.

TG: Oh, did you see that, that Cavalier is leaving a three car length gap in front of it.

SS: Yeah, that driver is trying the no brakes strategy today, we'll have to watch and see how it pans out. Surprisingly though, neither of the cars in front of it have taken advantage of that 16 feet of empty space, that might get them home 2 second faster.

TG: Very odd, especially this time of day. Oh wait there one goes.

SS: Wow that Porsche just moved in there and actually hit 10 miles per hour before having to slam on his brakes. Really impressive driving there, saved himself about a quarter second on the drive home.

TG:What is that red Bonneville doing, his blinker has been going for about forty seconds.

SS: I think he is planning on pulling the three lane cross in record distance. Yep, he is going to cut it close. Oh he did it, look at that skill, three lanes in the middle of bumper to bumper traffic in about 20 feet. Good patience by the driver not working his way over a mile down the road. Really impressive

TG: Honestly, I'm surprised that any of the vehicle let him in.

SS: Kind of shocking I know, but I think they were using his play to their advantage. See they let him in and then they have about 3 car lengths to accelerate before slamming on their brakes. It's all about the illusion of movement here.

TG: What is that, oh, we have some honking drivers.

SS: Looks like someone was on their phone and didn't see the cars move ahead of them.

TG: That won't make the drivers behind him happy.

SS: No we hate to see that, just wasted precious stop and go time, now they have to drive almost 50 yards before stopping, sure to throw off their rhythm.

TG: Well it looks like things are starting to speed up.

SS: Oh don't kid yourself, someone will bring things to a screeching halt shortly. Ah, see there you go, that Red Caravan just decided to slow down for no apparent reason, which caused everyone around it to slow way down.

TG: Ah, yes the overly cautious driver ploy, Oh wait there was someone pulled over by the highway patrol on the other side of the highway. Turns out it was the Gawker Slowdown, a much more popular play over the last few weeks.

SS: Yes, it seem that has really gained popularity in the last two weeks. I'm sure we'll start to see the Worried Corners start to make some progress in the next weeks though.

TG: Worried Corners?

SS: Oh that is my favorite. Just love it when people drop their speed by 20 miles when taking your basic turn. Just makes my day! Well we need to throw it to commercials, but join us next time on KTQT's Traffic report. Thanks for listening!