Conner's Blog

I have 3 drafts I want to publish, but all are below even my quality assurance guidelines.  So I engaged the services of Frank Allen to interview me.

Frank Allen:  What is one thing your readers have to know about you?

Conner:  I have no idea what I’m doing.  Day in and day out I’m just making things up.  Of course that’s not just on this blog, but pretty much everything I do.

FA:  What is your favorite music?

C:  It’s impossible to say, it changes weekly, daily, sometimes even minutely.  Of course if it’s on the Current I’m usually ok with it.

FA:  Minutely? Is that even a word?

C:  If it wasn’t a second ago, it is now.

FA:  What scares you?

C:  I’m only afraid of a few things.  Heights and scorpions are two big ones. Also trapper keepers are a bit nerve racking.  All that organization in a small package, creepy.

FA:  If you were stranded on a deserted island, what five things would you most want with you?

C:  Assuming this is somewhere tropical where food isn’t too difficult to come by, I would say one good pot, and one good frying pan.  The all three books from the Lord of the Rings in one book, The Worst Case Scenario Guidebook, and a pack of Charmin from Costco

FA:  Whole Wheat or White?

C:  White Pasta and Whole Wheat Bread

FA:  What influenced you the most growing up?

C:  My parents had a big impact and growing up in a town of 200 people and graduating with six other kids in my class had a big impact on how I see the world.

FA:  Do you have a favorite color?

C:  Currently it’s #6bb8ee

FA:  Favorite food?

C:  Lasagna, though tacos come in a close second.

FA:  Favorite author?

C:  Again, this isn’t really possible for me to answer.  Right now it wavers between David Weber and Neal Stephenson.

FA:  Favorite Drink?

C:  Ooh this is a tough one, and totally depends on my mood.  Lemonade is my favorite non-alcoholic beverage.  For alcoholic it’s has to be a Surly Bender, and it only loses to Surly Furious because my stomach hates Furious.

FA:  What’s your favorite thing to cook?

C:  Pizza!  Ever since I started making my own crust I love trying to create new things.  Of course going back to sausage and pepperoni occasionally is fun to.

FA:  If you could choose one type of weather what would it be like?

C:  78 degrees, sunny, with a light cool breeze, and cooling off to at least 55 at night.

It’s a good thing I’m under no obligation to write or I would probably go insane.  I have been trying to come up with a few post ideas and keep coming up empty.  Here are a few ideas I’ve mulled over the last few days.

• 15 way to bleed on stage -  A list of stupid injuries band members received while performing on stage.
• 10 things someone tried to sell me this week – A trip through my spam folder.  Actually other than viagra, male enhancement, and porn there isn’t much else in my spam folder.
• 20 things I didn’t know – A trip through the Wikipedia random article link.
• 15 other things I didn’t know – A sampling of random websites presenting ridiculous theories as facts.

Obviously I’m stretching for ideas here.  Although I think the 20 things I didn’t know idea actually could be kind of fun.

Steve Steeple: Welcome to the traffic report. Todays report is brought to you by Straight Ahead! “Tires that only turn when you want them to”

Tina Greggs: Hi Steve, well where are we broadcasting from today.

SS: Well Tina, well we have some great gridlock just past the I92 and highway 36 interchange. We have traffic backed up for about 6 miles and boy do we have a good game going today.

TG: Great, anything happening right now.

SS: Of course, we actually currently have a cute little blond in a Camry that is seconds from causing a wreck.

TG: Is she on her cell phone?

SS: Yeah, but she seems to be handling talking and driving in this five mile per hour traffic, but the guys that are passing her just are not paying attention. Oh! Wow, we just had a civic full of teenage boys that was inches from rear ending the car in front of them. Too busy gawking and no one was paying attention, lucky for them they didn’t hit that car, that definitely would not have helped them from being caught staring.

TG: Oh, did you see that, that Cavalier is leaving a three car length gap in front of it.

SS: Yeah, that driver is trying the no brakes strategy today, we’ll have to watch and see how it pans out. Surprisingly though, neither of the cars in front of it have taken advantage of that 16 feet of empty space, that might get them home 2 second faster.

TG: Very odd, especially this time of day. Oh wait there one goes.

SS: Wow that Porsche just moved in there and actually hit 10 miles per hour before having to slam on his brakes. Really impressive driving there, saved himself about a quarter second on the drive home.

TG:What is that red Bonneville doing, his blinker has been going for about forty seconds.

SS: I think he is planning on pulling the three lane cross in record distance. Yep, he is going to cut it close. Oh he did it, look at that skill, three lanes in the middle of bumper to bumper traffic in about 20 feet. Good patience by the driver not working his way over a mile down the road. Really impressive

TG: Honestly, I’m surprised that any of the vehicle let him in.

SS: Kind of shocking I know, but I think they were using his play to their advantage. See they let him in and then they have about 3 car lengths to accelerate before slamming on their brakes. It’s all about the illusion of movement here.

TG: What is that, oh, we have some honking drivers.

SS: Looks like someone was on their phone and didn’t see the cars move ahead of them.

TG: That won’t make the drivers behind him happy.

SS: No we hate to see that, just wasted precious stop and go time, now they have to drive almost 50 yards before stopping, sure to throw off their rhythm.

TG: Well it looks like things are starting to speed up.

SS: Oh don’t kid yourself, someone will bring things to a screeching halt shortly. Ah, see there you go, that Red Caravan just decided to slow down for no apparent reason, which caused everyone around it to slow way down.

TG: Ah, yes the overly cautious driver ploy, Oh wait there was someone pulled over by the highway patrol on the other side of the highway. Turns out it was the Gawker Slowdown, a much more popular play over the last few weeks.

SS: Yes, it seem that has really gained popularity in the last two weeks. I’m sure we’ll start to see the Worried Corners start to make some progress in the next weeks though.

TG: Worried Corners?

SS: Oh that is my favorite. Just love it when people drop their speed by 20 miles when taking your basic turn. Just makes my day! Well we need to throw it to commercials, but join us next time on KTQT’s Traffic report. Thanks for listening!