1. Shave your head, nothing says don’t stalk me quite like making it impossible for me to steal your hair to save in the page of my favorite video game manual
2. Change your email password, how else am I supposed to know what your plans on Thursday night are
3. Switch which coffee shop you go to every morning, I only travel two miles from home, so if you just move to the Starbucks closer to work I won’t be able to be there
4. Hang out with your girlfriends more often, too many cute girls in a room terrifies me
5. Defriend me on Facebook, I’m only away from my computer for three hours or so and if I can’t stalk you there outside of that time, well I’ll find someone else
6. Let me overhear you bashing Battlestar Gallactica, no girlfriend of mine could hate that show
7. You could also say Startrek is better than Star Wars, no one worth stalking would believe that
8. Stop leaving your receipts behind at restaurants, nothing says I don’t like you quite like keeping me from increasing my collection.
9. Use your back door, there are no good hiding places for me and my camera back there
10. Talk to me, honestly I’ll run away and never come back

During the writing of this post I did a search for “how to stalk someone”, anyone want to take bets on how long before the Burnsville police are knocking on my door.