- Barking Snow
- You can not only see your breath, you can pick it up off the ground
- The thermometer reads 120 above – water is still frozen
- Driving your car reminds you of your Big Wheel car’s plastic wheels.
- You start your car 15 minutes early and it hasn’t defrosted by the time you need to leave
- Your washer fluid freezes
- 5 layers is not enough
- While walking outside you notice the soles of your shoes becoming less flexible
- The exterior doors on your house start squeaking
- You are excited when you see 30 above in the weather forecast
- Ever conversation starts with some form of “it’s cold out there”
- You order pizza for delivery and it arrives as frozen pizza
- Your car cools down completely in 30 minutes
- The guy who always wears shorts has to buy pants
I’m wrote this post while sitting in my car in the parking lot of the Fridley Target listening to the Current. Yes this is my job sometimes, normally I would go to a coffee shop but I already have coffee and I always feel bad when I use a store’s space without purchasing anything. Speaking of which shouldn’t coffee chains allow you to transfer refill capabilities between stores during a 2 hour period?
So here is a list of reasons this winter hasn’t been that bad.
- Sunshine – Have you ever seen so much blue sky in the winter. It’s just over 0 right now and I’m okay with it because the sun is out.
- Snow – It’s not fun to drive in, but I would rather see 2 feet of snow on the ground instead of dead brown grass.
- Warm Days – Well warm is relative, but after a string of days when it barely gets above 0, 30 degree days like Monday are awesome.
- A late start – Winter didn’t come until mid-November, and March isn’t that far away
- Chili – Well this makes every winter better, but is there anything better than a bowl of chili when it’s this cold.
- Hulu – Free television and movies on demand = awesome
- My MN todo list – I’m visiting Nina’s on Saturday as I have a meeting in the same building.
Granted December did suck, but overall this winter has been OK. Anyone out there willing to agree with me?
- Acceleration – Usually leads to the creation of item I during the first snow storm. Formation is combated using item S.
- Brake Lights – These light the way down 35W during every snowstorm.
- Creep – What drivers experience when it’s either snowing or has snowed.
- Death Grip – How a percentage of drivers hold the wheel, panicking at the first flake and don’t top until the last ice melts off Lake Minnetonka.
- Early – As in leaving early today, a failed attempt by workers to beat the weather, foiled by every other worker attempting it at the same time.
- Fall – A 4-5 day period of gorgeous color and temperature that proceeds winter.
- Gas Mileage – Falls dramatically due to warming up your car and of course item C
- Happy Hour – Something you frequently miss due to item C.
- Ice – The savior of auto body shops.
- Jumper Cables – Magical items that can win new friends in the office parking lot.
- Keyboard – A useful item on your cell phone to keep insanity at bay during item C.
- Lights – Mythical objects on the front of your car that are meant to light the road, due to item S they become worthless after 5 minutes on the road.
- Matchbook Mark – The Nickname of the drivers who refuse to scrape their windshield and drive with a matchbook sized area to see through until their car defrosts itself.
- Negative – Used to describe temperatures
- Overcast – Contained in 99% of weather forecasts from October – March.
- Panic Braking – Slamming on your brakes as hard as possible on icy roads and pressing harder when your car fails to stop.
- Quadrupled – Describes how long your commute is when it snows the first five times.
- Rust – The creation of which is accelerated to Usain Bolt speed due to item S.
- Salt/Sand/Silt – A few of the key ingredients of the car destroying mixture created by MNDOT.
- Traction – Frequently taken for granted, many drivers seem shocked to lose it during the first blizzard.
- Useless – A term used to describe, brakes, wipers, windows, mirrors, and lights during an ice/snow storm
- Vacation – Something many Minnesota residence do in January, February, or March to stave off insanity.
- White – A color seen for 10-15 minutes after each snow storm which is then replaced by brown.
- X-rated – The inside of your car while experiencing item C.
- Yeti – What you may look like after spending 5 minutes brushing off your car during a blizzard.
- Zero – A magical temperature reached occasionally in February.
This winter hasn’t been too bad, but this week nearly drove me over a cliff due to the traffic. Can we all agree to drive 10-15 mph slower and stop getting into accidents every three minutes?
