This site functions as an archive of Conner's Blog, which was a blog from 2006-2014 located at Images and links are likely to be broken.

Minnesota Winters A-Z

  • Acceleration - Usually leads to the creation of item I during the first snow storm. Formation is combated using item S.
  • Brake Lights - These light the way down 35W during every snowstorm.
  • Creep - What drivers experience when it's either snowing or has snowed.
  • Death Grip - How a percentage of drivers hold the wheel, panicking at the first flake and don't top until the last ice melts off Lake Minnetonka.
  • Early - As in leaving early today, a failed attempt by workers to beat the weather, foiled by every other worker attempting it at the same time.
  • Fall - A 4-5 day period of gorgeous color and temperature that proceeds winter.
  • Gas Mileage - Falls dramatically due to warming up your car and of course item C
  • Happy Hour - Something you frequently miss due to item C.
  • Ice - The savior of auto body shops.
  • Jumper Cables - Magical items that can win new friends in the office parking lot.
  • Keyboard - A useful item on your cell phone to keep insanity at bay during item C.
  • Lights - Mythical objects on the front of your car that are meant to light the road, due to item S they become worthless after 5 minutes on the road.
  • Matchbook Mark - The Nickname of the drivers who refuse to scrape their windshield and drive with a matchbook sized area to see through until their car defrosts itself.
  • Negative - Used to describe temperatures
  • Overcast - Contained in 99% of weather forecasts from October - March.
  • Panic Braking - Slamming on your brakes as hard as possible on icy roads and pressing harder when your car fails to stop.
  • Quadrupled - Describes how long your commute is when it snows the first five times.
  • Rust - The creation of which is accelerated to Usain Bolt speed due to item S.
  • Salt/Sand/Silt - A few of the key ingredients of the car destroying mixture created by MNDOT.
  • Traction - Frequently taken for granted, many drivers seem shocked to lose it during the first blizzard.
  • Useless - A term used to describe, brakes, wipers, windows, mirrors, and lights during an ice/snow storm
  • Vacation - Something many Minnesota residence do in January, February, or March to stave off insanity.
  • White - A color seen for 10-15 minutes after each snow storm which is then replaced by brown.
  • X-rated - The inside of your car while experiencing item C.
  • Yeti - What you may look like after spending 5 minutes brushing off your car during a blizzard.
  • Zero - A magical temperature reached occasionally in February.

This winter hasn't been too bad, but this week nearly drove me over a cliff due to the traffic. Can we all agree to drive 10-15 mph slower and stop getting into accidents every three minutes?